The Hardest Test

Monday, December 11, 2006, 5:47 a.m.

MasyaAllah, in front of me, everyday, are very attractive Malay Muslim women, who are not only pretty and beautiful, but bright, clever, lively and most importantly faithful to God. InsyaAllah, those who are lucky enough to be their husbands will be happy, and have no regrets on their choice. I myself wouldn’t regret if any of them should be fated to be my partner here and in the Hereafter, if I am lucky enough. Most probably I wouldn’t refuse any offer from them to be my wife, and there lies the crux of my problems.
If I was ready, I would have taken any of them as my wife. But now is not the time, and that becomes a problem when I meet them everyday, but have to wait years before I marry (insyaAllah). And what do we do now? I can’t court them, as it would only lead us nearer to zina… and Allah s.w.t. states “la taqrabbun zina” – do not come near to zina (adultery?- sorry if there are mistranslations).
This is a problem not just for me, but for every young people learning in higher institutions nowadays. That’s why I respect those who marry now, because I can’t.
We, who haven’t married, should not do anything that could lead to sex, should not talk in a way that could arouse it, should not contact each other that way, lest it could lead to sexual thoughts about the other party. Thus the hormones and lust argues with this, and this torments my mind at times. I try to find the way all the time, Alhamdulillah, God has given me a mind just like any human, which could think and find a way. He has given me faith and taqwa, and my prayers always contain the request for Allah to show me the straight path, the path of those He has bestowed His grace, and not the path of those who He will show His wrath, or those who go astray – lest I forget to ask for it later.
InsyaAllah, I will try my best and follow this path.
I never go too far in any relationship with any girl I can marry. I know she’s attractive and all that. But I think twice, and many times before I actually will bend the rules, and I especially don’t want to break any rules of God.
This is a problem, as many guys will go after such girls, and I can’t blame them. Many have gone that way, many have found their partners who they want to marry, a non-official system of booking before marital relationships, maybe. And here I am. Call me stupid, call me a loser. I don’t know. All I know is I try my best to do what’s right, and not do what’s wrong by God, and to my best keep the faith that Allah has planned everything for me, and I will find the perfect partner for me, who I will love for Allah, in his grace, forever, if not here in this world, then in the Hereafter, insyaAllah.
I hope I don’t break any hearts, including mine…


Sunday, February 18, 2007

How can it be, that a few months later, and I still have the same problems? I wonder if this has been the case for the past few years, ever since I found out what was so interesting about girls was. I read some articles on the same subject, and thought about making a similar article. Then I remembered this article I made last December, read it again, and found precisely the words I was looking for-again, maybe even better put than I ever could today. O God, give me strength..